Kid Leash
by peerless baun
Summary: Elaine invents a kid leas/ Kramer is a blind mans Seeing-Eye-Man


KID LEASH  
  
  
  
Open with Jerry and George sitting in Monks Café  
  
George: I hate these little toothpicks they put in the sandwiches, the little colored foil on top!  
  
Jerry: Why?  
  
George (with nothing to back his statement up with): Why do these people have to wear sunglasses indoors? Is it that bright?  
  
Jerry: I know, I always think they're looking at me.  
  
The waitress puts Jerry's food on the table  
  
George: Where's mine?  
  
Waitress: It'll be out in a minute.  
  
George: You see this?  
  
Jerry: What?  
  
George: You're supposed to bring both meals out together, now I have to watch you eat. Together, never alone!  
  
Jerry: Unless I order an appetizer.  
  
George: That's another thing, most places have to be told, "bring the appetizer out early" they normally just serve with the meal.  
  
The waitress brings his meal out  
  
Waitress: here you go  
  
Jerry (whispering): Why don't you say something?  
  
George: Nah.  
  
Enter Kramer, he sits and takes a bite out of Georges newly arrived sandwich  
  
George: Check out that guy over there in the sunglasses.  
  
Kramer: Get a load of him. Hey Shades what're ya blind!  
  
Jerry: Kramer!  
  
Waitress: Actually he is. Comes in here all the time.  
  
Kramer looks down ashamed  
  
Kramer: Yikes.  
  
Jerry: It's not your fault. He should get himself a dog, there's no way to tell.  
  
Kramer looks to George  
  
George: No way.  
  
George: Well I'm leaving.  
  
Jerry: Me too, enough harassing the disabled in one day for me.  
  
Shot of Jerry's Apartment Building  
  
Jerry is on the phone Elaine enters  
  
Jerry: Ok bye mom. Yes dad I got the Big Mouth Billy Bass, hanging on my wall right now. Ok then, bubbye.  
  
Elaine: Where's George?  
  
Jerry: Why, does he owe you money?  
  
Elaine: He's supposed to model for the new Peterman Catalogue.  
  
Jerry: Ah, the short and stubby edition (laughing).  
  
Elaine (going along with laughter): Yeah.  
  
Jerry: You're not serious!  
  
Elaine: Peterman made me come up with a new idea; it's either this or the kid leash.  
  
Jerry: Kid leash?  
  
She pulls it out  
  
Elaine: It's a leash that straps around kids waists so that they don't run away in crowds.  
  
Jerry: Hmm, choices, choices, on the one hand there are many short and stubby men, George being evidence. However who doesn't need a leash for their child?  
  
Elaine: Yeah well.  
  
Enter George  
  
Elaine: George, why don't you browse through this sample catalogue see if you like any of it?  
  
George: All right but I've gotta go.  
  
Jerry: Where you heading?  
  
George: To Monks, They can't serve me late if I'm the only one!  
  
Exit George  
  
Kramer slides through the door  
  
Kramer: Jerry, Ken is terrific!  
  
Jerry: Who's Ken?  
  
Kramer: The blind guy down at the coffee shop. Yeah I felt so bad from earlier I went over there to apologize. After you noticed he had no dog I offered to be his Seeing Eye Man.  
  
Jerry: Oddly enough, this seems fair.  
  
Kramer spots Elaine's Kid Leash  
  
Kramer: Yeah I need to borrow that!  
  
Kramer grabs it and leaves  
  
Elaine: Well at least it's off my hands.  
  
Jerry: I gotta get rid of this fish.  
  
Elaine: I'll take it; it'll look rugged in my office.  
  
Jerry: I'll tell my dad someone stole it, hot market for Billy Bass these days.  
  
Downtown New York  
  
Kramer (with the kid leash on) is guiding ken through the streets  
  
Show Kramer stopping at a crosswalk  
  
Show Kramer hollering at some driver  
  
Show Kramer walking next to a lady walking her dogs, he turns and winks, ken guideless walks into traffic, horns sound, and cars screech out of control  
  
Monks  
  
George is sitting alone, with Peterman catalogue on table  
  
George: And that'll be all.  
  
Waitress: Be right back.  
  
George: Oh, and I want that as an appetizer.  
  
Waitress: Yeah, that's why it's under appetizers.  
  
George (under his breath): Don't get cute.  
  
Waitress: What?  
  
George: I've been served by your kind before.  
  
Waitress: You have a problem with the way I wait.  
  
George: No, I have a problem with the way I wait, cause that's all I do, my food's never on time.  
  
Waitress: Ungrateful.I quit!  
  
She knocks his Coke onto the catalogue  
  
Elaine enters to see this  
  
Elaine: What happened?  
  
George: Whoaho!  
  
He hands her the catalogue and leaves  
  
Elaine: Oh no it's ruined, now I have to promote the Kid Leash.  
  
Peterman's Office  
  
Peterman and Elaine sitting  
  
Peterman: Elaine what do have for me?  
  
Elaine: Well sir the catalogue was ruined, but I do have that kid leash you liked.  
  
Peterman: Liked is such a well chosen word Elaine, it's really quite ironic that you chose it.  
  
Elaine: Whatta mean?  
  
Peterman (picturing it in his head): I was coming to work this morning when I saw a man running down the streets, with none other than your so-called Kid Leash. By the time I looked away I nearly hit a blind man. You didn't come up with the idea did you Elaine?  
  
Elaine: Wha-  
  
Peterman: Elaine?  
  
Elaine: But I swear it's my id-  
  
Peterman: KID leash, Elaine. This was clearly a man leash. Just admit your fraud.  
  
Elaine: But-  
  
Peterman: KID leash.  
  
Elaine: OK I stole it.  
  
Peterman: Good then, so what product do you have for me.  
  
Elaine: Well.  
  
Jerry's Apartment  
  
Jerry is in the kitchen; Kramer and Elaine enter together arguing  
  
Jerry: What's wrong?  
  
Elaine: What's wrong. Mr. Seeing-Eye Man is what's wrong. Peterman saw him on the street and thinks I stole his idea. I almost got fired.  
  
Jerry: But?  
  
Elaine: I needed something quick so I showed the only thing I had.Big Billy Bass.  
  
Jerry: He doesn't know you ripped it off?  
  
Elaine: No, he does, but now he thinks I'm a plagiarist. Very risky, he likes risk takers.  
  
Kramer: You should be thanking me.  
  
Elaine: Why?  
  
Kramer: I went through all that trouble with the leash and it turned out to be in your favor.  
  
Jerry: I thought you liked being Kens Seeing-Eye Man?  
  
Kramer: No way! Turns out I really didn't have to do all of that. I felt bad that he heard me call him blind and all, but yesterday I quit. Yeah, some guy was yelling at him from his car and he didn't respond. Turns out he's def.  
  
Jerry: So he didn't hear you-  
  
Kramer: Nothing!  
  
Jerry: So you wore a leash for nothing?  
  
Kramer: Oh, no. Some man on the street, Beederman? Cedarman? Whatever, he offered me a pretty penny for my idea.  
  
Elaine: But that was my idea.  
  
Kramer: Take that up with Cedarman. Pretty Penny. 


End file.
